I am moving to Argentina. I’m packing as I write this actually. And here’s why: Cristina Fernandez, Argentina’s president made the statement that pork is better and more effective than Viagra. (Where can I send money for her next presidential campaign? Can I sponsor her for a VISA to the US?)
This fabulous news! Think of all the benefits:
- No longer having to stand in long pharmacy lines
- No side effects if your bacon eating experience lasts over 4 hours
- No more embarrassing discussions with your doctor about how your man-bits don’t work so hot – just go grocery shopping!
- BACON IS PORK!
Other countries, according to the head of the association of pork producers (how can I make that MY job title??), Juan Luis Uccelli, that have “harmonious sex lives” due to the ingestion of pork are Denmark and Japan. So upon further thought, maybe since I’m not entirely “bathing suit ready,” (shut up, it’s winter!) I’ll skip Argentina and head to Denmark first. Parkas are sexy, yes?